30) What changed this month and what you hope will happen next month.
Well. What changed this month was probably the biggest problem of mine. Trying to get over him, but I was still so hung up and I thought I needed him. However, after talking with him, (or trying to) I realized that he’s the biggest prick. I don’t need him, and he doesn’t deserve me or my love. He left me; so why was I trying? Lolseeyabye. Thanks for teaching me to always watch my back and trust no one— Especially the ones that promise to love you forever.
Also, I met a fantastic guy who I have a ton in common with. We really hit it off, I think. He makes me giggle and squee and blush pretty much all the time, and that makes me happy. I’ve never felt so comfortable around anyone. He’s incredibly easy going and is just a joy to talk to. I really like him actually, and I’ve already started developing quite an attachment to him. Honestly, I’d love it if someday he would become my boyfriend, long distance or not. Right now though, I’m content with being his friend, because that’s what he needs. And whatever he needs, I’ll be for him. I’ll treat him like the prince he is. <3 As we get to know each other, maybe something will happen, maybe not. All I know is, he’s completely out of my league and I’m very grateful that I have him around. I look forward to what the future has in store for us, together or no. If you’re reading this, honey, any girl would be so fucking lucky to have you.
As for next month, I hope school kicks off to a great start, and everything with my schedule gets sorted out. I know I don’t need no stress during my senior year, that’s for sure. MAYBE SOME INTERESTING DEVELOPMENTS IN MY LOVE LIFE? Who knows man, who knows. I’m excited for this year. Really excited.
This blog challenge was a lot of fun to do. Good month of learning for me. Random: Molly said earlier that “breann’s eharmony is tumblr” and I fucking lol’d. :3
Anyway. Perhaps I’ll do another challenge in the future.
29) A picture of yourself.
Shit, this is like two years old. Don’t even care. The STACHE.
28) The month you were happiest this year and why.
Probably February, that’s the last month I think Dominic and I were together where nothing was breaking down. He sent me a card for Valentine’s Day (first valentine ever!) and his stuffed animal iguana too. Inside the car was a page full of “I love you” in all different languages, written in red ink. <3
I dunno, that was just a great time for me.
27) Talk about your siblings.
Long story short we haven’t had much of a relationship since I was very young. Soon after I turned about five they started to hate me.
I have two older brothers, Jason and Kyle. They are my half brothers, we share the same mother. They’re both in college, and are 22 and 23 I believe.
25) 10 ways to win your heart.
1) Be smart.
2) Be witty.
3) Have a good sense of humour.
4) Like to tease. (I guess sexually too is good)
5) I cannot emphasize this enough, you have to IMPRESS me.
6) You have to like video games. And pretty much all things nerdy.
7) Be a kind-hearted person. Douchebaggery is out of the question.
8) Don’t be physical with me until I allow you to do so.
9) Omg, if you blog with me. We’re getting married.
10) Don’t treat me like I’m expendable.
24) Things you want to say to five different people.
Mom,
I wish we got along better, and I wish you could see all of the good in me, not just the bad. There’s no reason for you not to trust me, and you should be a bit more open minded about the choices I make. No, I’m not “normal”, and frankly I don’t want to be. Sorry I’m not the daughter you wanted. Sorry I’m a disappointment.
Dad,
Mom pins most of the blame on you. She says all the bad things I do, you just let slide and forget about them. Sweep it under the rug and pretend like it never happened. She says you’ve allowed me to be like this, when it’s really got nothing to do with you. I make my own decisions, and I can’t be influenced too much by other people. Neither of you will ever understand why I like long distance relationships, you don’t understand why I prefer being alone all of the time. I tried explaining to you, dad, yesterday when we were in the living room. You said you could never do what I do, you’d always want to be out doing something with friends or playing sports. You, mom, Jason, and Kyle are very different from me. The computer was available to me at a very young age, see. I think I was four or five when I started playing Blues Clues on one. They’ve been around me forever, and I’ve grown to love all of the wonder they hold. I try to explain that computers have brought me great joy and have taught me many things— not the computers, but the people I’ve met. I even had to explain the introvert/extrovert thing to you. You wonder why I turned out to be so introverted. Just.. I want my family to accept me for who I am. That’s who I am, and I’m not going to change. Future boyfriends are going to be like me, and I can tell you now you aren’t going to like them. Eventually you’re going to have to be a little more open minded.
You,
Plain and simple, I don’t like you. You’re vile. You mess with girls, you get them to trust and like you, and then you crush their hearts. You’re a fabulous manipulator. Even though I felt nothing for you, ever, you still managed to take advantage of me. Good job on being an asshole. You should know that I don’t plan to speak to you ever again, and I hope karma is coming around to kick your ass. Fuck you.
Toro,
Well hi. Tunnel snakes rule. But really. I’m sorry, so sorry for everything. On one hand I want to forget about Dominic, but on the other, I really don’t. If I were to forget him, that means forgetting all that we shared together, and I wouldn’t willingly throw that away for anything. I’m in love with him, I always will be. I’m also trying very hard to move on, you’d think it would be easy after all he’s done. The heart wants what the heart wants, and that’s Dominic. I allow myself to think of him throughout the day, I’m not sure why but it kind of calms me. It’s hard to move on when you’re reminded not only when you’re awake, but when you’re asleep too. What would/could have happened kind of things. The dream I had last night was about him and I in person. It was wonderful. His gorgeous green eyes, his cute, mussy brown hair, and his body, oh his body. It was all so real. The touching, the kissing, he even held me. I was at ease, all was right. Then I woke up. I rolled over, thinking I was going to talk to him, because he’d be waiting on skype for me like he always did. Instead, I remembered, and his name stuck in my throat. At that moment I couldn’t let myself cry. I sat in bed and looked at my closet. That’s all I could do. You deserve better than me, Toro. I can’t give you the love you need. All that love is with him. I don’t think it’s coming back. I appreciate how much of a great guy you are, you’re here for me when I need it and you’re good for conversation. However I’m still on the fence about us. This is going to take a long time to get through.
Lastly, Dominic.
I don’t know what I would say to you at this point. I have a lot of questions that are still unanswered, and will most likely go unanswered. I know you sent Toro two specific files that I only meant for you to see. You know what he did with them? Deleted. He didn’t even look. “A gift from one bro to another, enjoy the used meat”
Your immaturity knows no bounds. Fucking grow up. First you tell him that you’re over it and I’m forgiven, then you delete him and send V to do your bidding. You are a child. My love shouldn’t have been wasted on someone like you. However. You are my sun and my stars, and I was the moon of your life. Nobody will take your spot in my sky, I promise you that. If you ever needed anything, you could come to me and I wouldn’t turn you away. You have “friends” for that, though. I’m just another ex girlfriend that turned out to be a slut and fucked you over, right? Oh wait, according to you I was like that all along, you were just too infatuated to realize. Pathetic. You need to suffer like I have, that’s the only way you’ll change. If you don’t, there will be no hope for any of your relationships. You’re not going to make it. I’m sorry I kissed the ground you walked on, just like everyone else in your life. When I told you that you were wrong, you yelled at me, so I learned fast to not disagree with you. You always get what you want. A girl is going to come along and show you reality, and it’s going to hit you hard. Honestly, if you were to come to me years from now and apologize, that would mean a lot. I wish on 11:11 every day. Who knows what will happen..
23) Something you always think “what if” about..
Ugh, there’s so many things. Probably not healthy to think like that.
One thing I used to think about a lot, and am currently trying to stop thinking about is the “what if I would have tried harder, what if I would have broken down like I really wanted to, instead of trying to be strong?”
I have lingering feelings of regret because I feel like Dominic and I would still be together if I would have done something differently. I just never expected him to leave.
Ah, well. It’s for the best. I don’t think he was ready for what I was willing to give him.
22) 10 things about you people don’t really expect.
Hm. Things that people don’t really expect..
1) I’m actually not a mean goth. LOL.
2) I appear outgoing when I’m around people I’m “comfortable” with, but really I’m screaming inside and I want to be alone most of the time.
3) I am a genuinely nice person. When people talk bad about someone I tend to get uncomfortable and give as much feedback as I can, without actually agreeing with what they’re saying.
4) I don’t like family gatherings.
5) Plot twist: I actually am weird, and people do expect that. Gasp.
6) I have no interest in partying.
7) The long distance relationship thing always seems to throw people off.
8) Usually I try to be as real as possible, however sometimes I feel I need to put up a front, so the person you see might not always be me.
9) I don’t expect too much from people. They’re human, can’t really rely on them for anything, right? All I can do is give them the benefit of the doubt, and hope they don’t disappoint me.
10) I guess generally I’m pretty evil, but I have a soft spot for animals.
20) The last argument you had.
Actual argument? Don’t remember.
Play argument? Toro. Definitely with Toro. Probably something along the lines of me always being right, everything always being his fault, yada yada. He’s fun. :3
18) Disrespecting parents.
If this is supposed to be a “your views on”.. Then in that case, I think disrespecting parents is sometimes called for, in all honesty.
19) Something that never fails to make you feel better.
The Lion King.
(I combined today because I’m going camping in a week and I really don’t want to miss days.)
17) Things that scare you.
Sharks, darkness, tight spaces, abandonment.
16) 3 things about your personality that you are proud of.
Uh.
1) My always witty humor.
2) I’m quick to forgive.
3) Recent change: Being able to see the best in people, even when they can’t see it themselves. Never judging a book by its cover.
This was hard to come up with.
15) The best things to happen to you this week.
Well today is only Tuesday, so.. Let’s just go with last night. <3